Special Valentine’s Day Edition. Consider this a public service–some helpful tips for men who want to be successful in their online dating ventures, based on my sociological research project that is Online Dating. You’re welcome:
1. Under the category to describe your “Body Type,” be honest. It means what you look like NOW. Not what you’d LIKE to look like. If you’ve posted photos: I. Can. See. You.
2. If you’d like to keep a conversation going, it’s helpful to throw in a question or two, or discuss something that is conducive to a back-and-forth. Asking “How ya doin’?” or simply saying “Good morning” though polite, isn’t going to be that helpful to you–there’s only so far I can take that, and only so many times you can ask. If it’s this hard to have a conversation with you now, when you’re supposedly putting your best foot forward, methinks it’s not going to improve. I really don’t want to go out with you then–because I would likely drink too much and then kiss you only because I’d be bored. And I don’t like waking up bathed in regret.
3. Your company logo and contact information for free estimates should not be prominent in your profile picture. I should not have to explain why.
4. Spell check is your friend. Or should be.
5. Don’t bring a gift on the first date. You may think it’s sweet. It’s actually creepy. Not the same thing.
6. Don’t call your female colleagues “whores” on our first date. It’s a real conversation killer. This also should not need an explanation.
7. Please don’t text me right after I get in my car when the date ends. Unless I’ve accidentally left my purse. And please don’t email every 12 hours asking when I’ll respond. Both instances of eagerness are flattering, but a bit overwhelming.
8. Pay attention to details. If my profile states I’m looking for a specific age range, props to you for trying if you’re a few years over/under my preferred range. However, 20-30 years older is a bit optimistic on your part. You’ll have a better hit rate by respecting stated desires.
9. I appreciate your honesty, but telling me you stay home a lot by yourself and that you’re pretty depressed only makes me want to send you a referral for a psychotherapist. Positive attitudes=attractive.
10. Be kind to the bartender, wait staff and valet attendant. I’m watching you. How you treat them is more telling than how you treat me on a date. It’s more important than what you’re wearing, where you’ve traveled, or what you do for a living. Just be kind, and eventually you’ll find a great fit. Promise. Well, no, I don’t promise. But I’m pretty sure I’m right. The other 9 tips: I promise I’m right on those.