The Lost Art of Dating: A Public Service Announcement

dating

I’ve posted some heavy topics of late. I believe life is fabulous and fun alongside the sorrows and tears. To that end, let’s lighten things up.

I continue to be grateful for all the life lessons and experiences that dating has provided. I try to keep in mind that we’re in the same boat–we’re looking for some form of support and companionship, someone who makes our hearts beat a little faster, someone we can confide in, someone who gets us. So I try to be compassionate even when it’s obvious it’s not a good fit for me. For the most part, these are well-intentioned men. I think they just need some fine-tuning in the social skills department–so here’s my Top 10 Comments For the Fellas, plus one to grow on:

-Wishing me a Happy Thong Thursday won’t get you very far. The fact that you’re in your 40’s makes it that much worse.

-When you describe a fantasy at the Whole Foods salad bar in great detail, I’m very reluctant to meet you for lunch. I will also never look at dried cranberries and sunflower seeds the same way again.

-When you say that you’re not afraid of PDA, it doesn’t mean it’s wise to disclose in your very first text message that you wish you were cuddling with me now. I. Haven’t. Even. Met. You. Yet.

-If you text me six times in 10 hours asking if I’ve received your texts, the only proper response is: “No, just like I didn’t get this one.”

-Don’t bite me on our second date. In fact, don’t bite me ever. Please understand I don’t consider it a compliment of any sort.

-I’m left speechless when you take yourself out of the running because you think I should be dating “someone much better looking and more fun.” It actually leaves me kinda sad that you feel that way. But I should definitely be dating someone with a more secure sense of self.

-When you send me several emails that say the same thing, I’m led to believe you’re sending the same form letter to everyone and you’ve forgotten you’ve sent it to me four times already.

-Using an affectionate pet name: Could be cute, but not when I haven’t met you yet. Because then it’s just disingenuous or a bit much, or both.

-When you ask me to come over to your house to hang out as our first date: the answer is No.

-When we’re in the initial phase of dating, please don’t tell me you need to reprimand me for something. That just doesn’t sit well with me. Never mind–in fact, never reprimand me. I am not a child.

-When you make me take a quiz to gauge our compatibility, I can tell you immediately the answer is we aren’t.

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9 Responses to The Lost Art of Dating: A Public Service Announcement

  1. Um . . . are you talking about dating or exchanging electronic messages?

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    • Dating–meeting people both online and day-to day interactions, so a lot of emails and text messages exchanged in the getting-to-know-you-dance. The last phase of my life that I dated it was phone calls and meeting in person…it’s a different animal these days!

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      • Okay . . . yeah, I see your point . . . after reading your post, I can see that I’m not missing much. Supermarkets can still be flirty-fun sometimes.

        Awhile ago I was looking at some meat on sale, trying to figure out the difference in the cuts. The lady next to me was also looking it over . . . she must seen that I needed some help – she made the comment, “Nice ribs!”

        Of course I had no choice but to thank her and then I told her the meat looks good too . . . and I did mention that I’d been working out but that was a lie!

        Anyways, no dates, but I did get some great tips on cooking and barbecuing ribs! 🙂

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  2. If I ever start making my own cheesecake, I’d be one step away from never getting my foot off the ground . . . I didn’t say I eat the stuff . . . that’s very rare.

    Mostly I just look, get a whiff if I’m lucky, then move on, but sometimes I’ll opt for the occasional chocolate-covered glazed croissant.

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  3. John says:

    That is so funny.

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  4. Pingback: Vows or Wows | BonneVivanteLife

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