Dating Really Is a Headache

2014-07-02 20.40.04

You may have noticed I have not written much of late. If you haven’t noticed, I won’t be offended. A little sad, but I understand. I haven’t written because I can’t. My head injury has flared up again such that I literally cannot think. All I can do is rally to show up where I’m supposed to be for work and social and kid events, sometimes smile, and try to be appropriate. I go home having blown my wad, and struggle to do the next day. What I can do is barely tolerate unrelenting headaches and continuous nausea until I vomit. Rinse. Repeat.

So when I say I cannot think, not only can’t I think of a topic to write about, I literally cannot string together a coherent sentence. I can’t even sign my kids into camp without writing gibberish. Thank goodness the teen camp counselors don’t check the sign-in sheet or they’d surely think I was drunk at drop-off. And I assure you, regardless of what my reputation is around town, I am not an alcoholic.

I have seen two neurologists this week and have an appointment to see the surgeon next week. I am on a boatload of meds so I have moments of being able to think now. They’re not even moments of clarity, but it’s so much better than before, when I was hoping to stumble upon a packet of heroin someone may have dropped just for some relief. And I am not a drug addict.

Seeking medical care, and choosing the doctor and course of treatment is a lot like dating. I don’t believe there is one soul mate in life. I believe there are people that you click with and you can have a wonderful long-term relationship with. I believe in deep long-lasting love. But I believe there is the potential for more than one person to fill that role in our lives. I don’t believe there is one right person.

As I navigate the health care system, I realize there also is not one right doctor, not one right treatment modality. Each clinician comes to see a patient through his or her theoretical lens and training, which dictates the treatment plan. So when I seek a second opinion, and the diagnosis and treatment options are at odds–surgery vs no surgery–it’s not that one doctor is wrong. I believe both are right. I just need to listen to my gut as to which doctor, and which theory and plan, resonate with me. They can each be a little bit right. This can be a little confusing, but I think this is Truth.

As such, there is no one Right Man for me. Many men have things that are positive for me, but lately not have resonated with me. They are mostly kind men doing the best they can, also seeking someone they click with. They view the world and choose their behaviors and preferences based on their worldview and upbringing. If I don’t agree with that, it’s not that they are wrong. Just different. This can be exhausting with so many conversations and first dates, but this too is Truth.

I tell my doctors I am seeing other doctors for now–that I’m not ready to be exclusive just yet. I want to be honest, because a guilty conscience weighs heavily on me. For example, I feel horrible when I cheat on my hair stylist. If he or she is a good doctor, he/she will understand. I am weighing my options and letting all the data I’ve gathered settle into me so my gut can guide me. I’ll be ready to see one exclusively soon.

In the meantime, I’m grateful I’ve been underwhelmed by the men who have crossed my path lately. Throwing up on a date doesn’t resonate with anyone.

This entry was posted in Dating, Health Issues, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Dating Really Is a Headache

  1. aveline07 says:

    I have noticed you haven’t written in a while…glad you shared. Yes, indeed a lot of Truth in what you wrote, both about doctors and finding the Right Man for you. Lots of soul searching myself lately as I’ve started the dating process again…whoa…life, huh? Hugs.


    • Thank you! I’ll tell you, what I miss the most is not just the writing, but the reading–the connecting with this wonderful blogging community. I miss that, but I can’t focus and don’t have the energy to even read. 😦 I hope soon. I miss my fellow bloggers!!! ❤

      Ah, dating…Good luck to you. I want to hear all about it if you'll share? Lots of self-discovery with dating…Whoa is right 🙂 Hugs back atcha!


      • aveline07 says:

        Yes. Come back when you’re ready! And dating, dating…oh boy…absolutely self-discovery with each baby step…at least trying to make these baby steps, healthy steps. Yes I’ll be posting a little more…more learning through writing… xoxo


        • Hugs to you in your journey. I’ve found there are moments of sadness, laughter, a-ha’s and wtf’s?? It can be exhausting for so many reasons. And many times I just want to take my ball and go home 😉 Stay the course, my friend 🙂 Do the next right thing, rest, and come back. And try to have fun!
          I hope to tweak the meds (like Goldilocks…not quite right!) so that I can start reading again–I really do miss feeling a part of this community. I can’t wait to read about your journey 🙂


          • aveline07 says:

            Yes I totally get this. Dating is very…challenging and confusing at times. And yes, exhausting. I’m trying to approach it with a lot more fun, honestly, and clear communication…and, avoiding getting myself invested too early emotionally.


            • Good for you–all worthy goals. I’ve found dating to be a great opportunity for practice–for practice in all things important–like you said, communication, emotional boundaries, looking for positive things in every situation (fun), the courage to be honest, etc. I hope it is going well for you!


            • aveline07 says:

              Yes, you are so right…somewhere I read the quote that ‘relationship is the path of most growth” and I’m finding this is so true for me.


  2. I noticed, too. I’m sorry it’s been so awfully rough. I’m just down the road – can I do something for you? I’d be happy to bring a meal or if there’s something else you need. if you don’t have it.


  3. Nora Jessome says:

    So sorry to hear you had a relapse, I thought you were on that road that leads to recovery and I thought the road had straighten out. Sorry about coming across a roundabout. Hope things get better for you, take care.


    • Ah, such is life, taking the turn and seeing something unexpected on the road, or a vista you never imagined…I am thankful for you, and your support. And grateful it is not worse! Thank you for caring!


  4. Lori Cassel says:

    I also noticed a lack of a certain French-hamed blog….but I am SOOO sorry to hear the reasons behind it. I never did hear the story of the incident that caused all these problems, so sometime, if you care to tell me, I’d love to hear it. Know that you are loved and being prayed over, my friend!


  5. Lori Cassel says:

    *named (good grief!!)


    • LOL–oooh, I love me some French ham 😉 Oh yes, quite the accident–trapeze accident!! I wrote about it on the blog–I’ll PM you the links! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers and love!! I truly appreciate it all, and you! Thank you!


  6. I am sorry about what you are going through. I am sending hugs and prayers your way. Hang in there, I am sure things will get better! Many blessings! 🙂


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