My Sangha of True Love


I’ve deleted one of my online dating site profiles. Another one I’ll leave up simply because I paid a discounted price for an entire 6 months from the start because I’m cheap, but I won’t really be participating in this second site. I’m not a bitter soul. I’m a passionate, energetic, optimistic, loving soul. And it’s precisely because I am passionate that I’m done with this online dating experience.

I came home last night from yet another date, and texted some friends, “Ugh.” One friend replied, “Wow, that bad?” No. The problem wasn’t that the date was horrible. They’re rarely downright horrible. The problem is they tend to be “Meh.”

Underwhelming. Fine. Tolerable. Meh. I don’t want “Meh” in my life. I want someone I look forward to seeing and spending my time with and sharing my accomplishments with. I want someone who makes me laugh so hard I pee just a little bit if I don’t cross my legs first. I want someone who makes me think long and hard about life issues and difficult decisions. I want someone who inspires me to be kinder and more gracious. I want someone who makes me feel alive.

“Meh” doesn’t do any of that for me. These men are certainly dateable. But see, they’re not worth the cost of a babysitter. They’re not worth taking time away from the other things that fill my soul with fire and music and laughter and mercy. My beloved friends and family fill my soul. Drumming fills my soul. Running and working out fills my soul. Writing fills my soul. Reading fills my soul. Cooking and baking fill my soul. Even duckpin bowling with cherished friends and Sutter Home minis have been known to fill my soul.

In Buddhism, Sangha is your community and True Love is the ability and execution of offering joy and happiness, to lighten sorrows and transform suffering. I’ve come to realize my friends and family, my meditation group and my understanding of my Church, my blog readers and my fellow bloggers whom I follow, are all my Sangha, my tribe, my community, my love. These are the people I’ve surrounded myself with that provide me joy and happiness, and that I work to provide joy and happiness to. These are the people I provide gentle loving kindness and love to, through my writing, through my support, through my cooking, through my company.

When I was younger, I accepted and tolerated a lot from the men I dated. At this point in my life, I know I’ve set a higher bar and am casting a much narrower net. I make no apologies for that. I know what I want and don’t want in my relationships, both friendships and intimate ones. And I’ve come to realize that right now, I’d prefer to devote my time and energies and money and self to providing my True Love to my Sangha. Because this is what makes me feel alive and fulfilled. Dating “meh” people is draining and exhausting, when dating should be fun.

The Sangha I’ve built is life-giving for me, and I really enjoy giving life to them, giving meaning, giving compassion, giving love, giving wine and baked goods to them. I have come to realize I have already found my True Love.

This entry was posted in Dating, Empowerment, Meditation, Mindfulness, Relationships, spirituality and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to My Sangha of True Love

  1. Himani B says:

    They say you have to genuinely ask, rest the Universe conspires to make it work for you 🙂 May what you are looking for deep down, find you and keep you warm..all my best wishes ❤ x


    • Himani, thank you so much for such beautiful words. Your loving kindness warms my heart–thank you for being part of my Sangha. All I need, the Universe has provided, and more 🙂 Thank you!


  2. Wise perspective. I’m glad you have a rich and full life that fills you up. My life isn’t as full as I’d like, but I won’t settle for “meh” either. 🙂


  3. Healing Grief says:

    While you are experiencing true love for yourself and your Sangha and stop searching outside yourself for Mr right, I have know doubt he will find you. And lucky for him.



  4. Michael says:

    Lovely post. It strikes me you’re indeed better off to be as lovely and clear as you are here, and go about your business, and let the true clarion call of your heart do the attraction. Someone amazing will not be able to help himself from showing up…



    • Michael, thank you for such kind, loving, wise sentiments! I’m already amazed at how many loving people are part of my life and Sangha–they all truly call out to my heart, and fill me so 🙂 There’s room for one more if he so chooses to show up too 🙂 Thank you!


  5. Val Boyko says:

    Our Sanghas fill our hearts!
    When I wasn’t ready … I was in a “meh” place too.
    Fill your heart first so that it overflows and you’ll be amazed at what shows up 🙂


    • Val, thank you for being such a meaningful part of my Sangha–you help fill my heart! And it is overflowing with gratitude and love! This journey of vulnerability and authenticity and courage has been so amazing, it’s brought me so many wonderful people and experiences. I feel my heart is bursting already 🙂 Thank you for filling my heart! 🙂


  6. WonderFULL. =)

    “They’re not worth taking time away from the other things that fill my soul with fire and music and laughter and mercy.” Beautiful. I appreciate your self-awareness and self-definition. Incidentally, my husband and son are drummers. My boy debuted on stage just after turning 5 – in Brazilian Samba drums.

    Keep shining.


  7. ♡eM says:

    True story – Just when I’d surrendered a similar (sort of) search, I met the man who’s studying quietly in the next room, who’s been my best friend, partner in parenting, loving husband and so much more these twenty some odd years now. I knew the moment I saw him we’d be worth it all!


  8. I love this! 💐 One day, someone will come in your life that will knock your socks off, and you will do the same!


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