I have to tell you, I’m still sort of on a high the day after our first gig. I know, you’re thinking I’m a bit intense if I’m still so worked up over a half hour set the night before. Let me explain.
I’ve never been on stage like that before. Well, that’s not entirely true. In college I was a “runway model” for the fashion design majors for three years. But I sucked at that because I was the largest of all the models (sadly a size 4, and still the largest) and because I was a nervous wreck. I may have sprinted down the catwalk. I also had the distinction of being in the lingerie segment once. In a full-on clown suit. Complete with red fuzzy slippers. I kid you not. Needless to say, I have never been a fan of being on stage.
Our guitarist warned me that the time onstage will fly by. Boy did it ever. I was very nervous for the first song. Mostly because for some reason I hate that song. I can never get it right. I was a little fast for the first verse, but I mostly got through it with one minor mistake. Everyone in the audience agreed that midway through the second song, all of us onstage had relaxed into the moment.
Can I tell you how magical and cool it is to make music with other people? I felt the music. It is an experience like no other. It was so different than in band practice. The adrenaline amplifies everything. There’s something so intense about playing on stage. I’m so grateful to have shared this experience with the kindest bandmates who also happen to be uber-talented, and lots of fun.
Then, the fourth song. Oh the fourth song. It was so hard to learn. I even had a drum solo in it. I loved playing that song once I learned it. There’s a lot of counting in that song. And apparently counting is important in drumming. So sometimes I’ll lose count, or suddenly think about something to add to my grocery list. And then it all goes to hell. I was so nervous last night I lost count. Oopsie. But you know what? It didn’t all go to hell.
Instead, suddenly, all was right with the world. I eased into a calmness and peace, and really went with having fun. Once I got the major fuck-up out of the way, I was all good. So one reason why I’m still basking in the afterglow of my first gig is because I did something really hard and scary, and it was magic. Wonder-full magic.
The other reason is because of all the support that showed up for me. Most of my good friends and their families came to see me play and support me. They of course offered kind and supportive words, but it was their mere presence that made such a difference for me. They witnessed such a proud and pivotal moment in my life. It wasn’t just drumming that they bore witness to. But that I put myself out there in ways that were risky and hard for me. I am so grateful and thankful for such amazing people in my life.
Last night I loved every moment before the show, during the show, and after the show. I loved that I have made such a great life. A life doing things I love. Being with trusted friends I love. So I suppose my afterglow today is also a reflection and appreciation of the wonder and magic and awe of life and love.
After the show, La Chica presented me with a “surprise goody bag” that held a fun pen, a cute bracelet, and a “Lego Super Hero” keychain of Wonder Woman. She understands things in ways that she doesn’t even quite understand yet. I’m not Wonder Woman in the Super-Hero-fighting-villains-way. But I’m more like the Woman who appreciates the Wonder life has to offer. Be your own Super Hero, I say. What would your superpower be?