I’m a little busy here. I’ve had a bit of a setback with the migraines. By that I mean I had to change medications, and the migraines are back with a vengeance. This one has lasted 17 days now and it gave a resounding “Fuck you” to two infusions in the ER. Life continues though, and someone has to show up to work, to the grocery store, to the kids’ activities, to the happy hours, to musical theater. I can’t just crawl into bed for 17 days despite a deep desire to do so.
And to add to this, I now have other issues to process and navigate with La Chica and how her brain works uniquely, and how I need to advocate for her in school, and teach her to organize her life at home. There’s the need to consider and research supportive services. There’s just a shitload of reading and thinking and talking and doing that is being added on to this heap of my life.
Because of course. I absolutely need more things to do and worry about. But I’m not any busier than anyone else. We all feel stretched, full to capacity, barely treading water. And like everybody else, when our hands are full and we’re just barely holding on, something else is thrust upon us.
I’ve come to realize it’s at this juncture that people fall into two camps. When you meet these people, you can feel the difference. One is light, refreshing, positive. The other is burdened, closed, worn down. I used to think it came down to resilience, or lack thereof.
There’s another difference between them though. The latter camp is waiting. These dear folks are waiting for the current crisis to end, waiting for things to get better, waiting for the next phase of life, a better turn of events. Hoping, wanting, yearning.
What they don’t understand though is that life keeps throwing things our way when we least expect it, when we think we cannot possibly take anymore, when we just really want a break. It is in this chronic state of waiting and hoping that the exhaustion sets in. Crises and hard times and difficulties are around most corners, but it’s when you resist them, fight them, wish they weren’t there, that’s when the burdens become heavier and wear you down.
The other folks understand and accept that life continues, always, in it’s surprises and despairs and uncertainties and unfairness; they might not like it, but they’ve stopped expecting an end to the tough times, they’ve stopped waiting for the clouds to part and the sun to shine down. Because they understand the cycle of life and that it’s always something. They know the sun shines through it all. If only you look. Yes, it is hard, yes it hurts, yes we all need breaks, yes we all hope for breaks. But there’s an acceptance of life.
They understand there is gratitude in everything, in the midst of grief and storms and conflicts. They don’t wait for better times. They understand there are better moments right there alongside the really tough moments. They understand tomorrow is indeed another day, but there is also so much to be grateful for in today.
Life continues. Life is beautiful. Life is brutal. Glennon Doyle Melton calls it brutiful. This is truth. Find the beauty that is all around you instead of yearning for it, waiting for it. Because life continues. And someone has to show up for happy hour to make the hour happy.