My dear friend tells me I’m a mess. Wtf? Granted, this is a friend who I trust like no other. When I fall apart, she is the one who holds space for me to unravel and become a puddle on the floor. She is the one who cups my broken pieces gently in the palms of her hands, and passes them back to me when I’m ready and able to tape myself back together. But it seemed a bit harsh to use those words, no?
I was spending a much anticipated day with her shopping in funky and fun antique, consignment, and jewelry stores. These things fill my soul–the design elements, the sparkle, the DIY possibilities, the inspiration. And I needed soul-filling that day, because I found myself the night before in a place of fear and uncertainty and self-doubt and vulnerability. I processed with my friend–my fears and concerns and fears, and did I mention my fears?
As we’re browsing through this one store, I hear her say behind me, “You’re a mess. Cheer up.” I turned around and literally said “Wtf?!” She pointed out that she wasn’t saying that TO me or ABOUT me, but reading two trays out loud and found them funny. I ran over. And had to buy them. Both of them. They’re displayed in my re-purposed absurd leopard print china cabinet now.
Because I am a mess. And cheer the fuck up. Humans, we’re all messy. Some days are better than others. But truly, we’re all messy. And I hate being in a place of self-pity or grief. I hate being in a place of anxiety or fear. I hate being in a place of uncertainty. Some days are better than others. But these melamine trays remind me that I’m a mess. And you know what, I may as well cheer up.
Get over yourself, is what this tells me. You are a mess, but so is everyone else. Life is hard and it hurts, so what else is new? Breathe. Take two steps to the right please, so that you’re standing in a place of acceptance and being present. This spot is a few steps away from anxiety and fear and sadness and self-pity. Same room, different view. And essentially, Cheer up…
Who cares if you’re a mess? Move on, there’s nothing to see here. Life goes on even on your worst days. This is nowhere close to being one of my worst days (please reference year 2007). But when I’m vulnerable and feeling scared, it hurts. When I don’t know what’s going to happen next, when I don’t have any idea what someone is thinking or wanting or intending, when I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I sometimes freak the fuck out.
I had been looking for Certainty, I thought I might have left her on the coffee table. But as I searched around for Certainty, I peered in my china cabinet, and saw this reminder instead.