My friends know it’s a rare occasion if they call at the last minute to hang out, and I’m actually available. I lead a full life, and between my work, my kids, their activities, my hobbies, and my social life, I’m always on the go. I’m a high intensity and high energy person as a baseline, so I’ve always been able to manage it all. Until about 5 or 6 months ago. I have felt completely overwhelmed since then. I’m not sure why.
I just know I feel more frantic, more frazzled, more stressed. I feel pulled in a million different directions. I was before, but something about life is different. No, something about me is different. I don’t know what though. I tried tinkering with our schedule, I tried slowing down, I tried prioritizing different things. I still felt like my head was under water more than it wasn’t.
I’ve tried changing things in my external world. And it hasn’t helped. So now I’m changing things internally. I want to be in a different place. Not physically. Although I wouldn’t mind a trip to Lisbon or Australia right now. But I don’t like this space I’ve been occupying the past several months.
So I’m changing the vibrations of my soul. I’m being mindful in how I live within each moment. I’m purposefully, mindfully creating space to do things that fill my soul, that soothes my soul, that calms my soul. I’m meditating more. Running more. Drumming more. Writing more. I’m socializing less. I’m social-media-ing less. I’m breaking up with my phone. Alright, not a real break-up. We’re just taking a break. I’m turning off all notifications other than a true phone call. And to be quite honest I almost always let it go to voice mail (confession: I don’t ever really listen to the message either).
Everything and everyone can and will wait, because making me wait is no longer working. I’ve been putting off self-care for too long. We’re living in this world now where instant responses are expected. Checking for feedback on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Replying immediately to texts. Knowing who just emailed. None of these are real emergencies. I’ll check the emails and texts and social media accounts periodically through each day. But I won’t be at the beck and call of the *ding* or vibration.
I think the constant interruptions, the constant notifications created a frantic-ness to life, cluttering the soul. Someone is reaching out to you, answer or it’s rude! You should know what is going on with people’s lives, it’s the thoughtful thing! Living this way created a milieu of anticipatory living, a part of me always knowing there would be an interruption, someone calling out for a piece of me.
I think my life had turned into a life of reacting instead of acting. My schedule hasn’t changed drastically, but how I am living in each moment within that schedule has changed. I’ve slowed down the vibrations of my soul. Same room, different view. I will answer texts and emails and posts, just not immediately, and sometimes not even soon. My friends will surely tell me what is going on in their lives eventually. I will surely miss a lot of updates, memes and pop culture happenings. And it will all be ok. I’m slowing down in my journey on this one way road. I’m listening to the vibrations of my soul more than the vibrations of my phone.