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Author Archives: bonnevivantelife
Foreigner in My Own Country
Weeks before the Atlanta spa shootings, someone asked if I felt safe, if my family felt safe. She was asking as a check-in during a steady escalation of violence and harassment of Asians in America. I told her that when … Continue reading
Posted in Empowerment, Uncategorized
Tagged #stopasianhate, stop asian hate, white supremacy, white terrorism
4 Comments
The Burden of Choice
I’m 45 years old, and I am both ecstatic and dismayed that I have one more student loan payment left. I received my graduate degree in 1997. It’s been a while. It also took me a while to understand why … Continue reading
Posted in Empowerment, Mindfulness, Parenting
Tagged Chinese, choices, mistakes, parenting, tribe, values
3 Comments
A Box Full of Darkness
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” -Mary Oliver, The Uses of Sorrow Mary Oliver, a poet who once said poetry mustn’t be fancy, … Continue reading
Posted in Mindfulness, Relationships
Tagged divorce, gratitude, lovingkindness, Mary Oliver, Uses of Sorrow
2 Comments
When Rice is Love
Twenty four years ago, my parents gave me an old 3-cup rice cooker, National brand. It was rusty on the outside, but it did the job. They loaded me up with used furniture, an Ikea piece or two, mismatched kitchenware, … Continue reading
Posted in Mindfulness, Parenting
Tagged Asian parenting, Chinese, National rice cooker, rice cooker
3 Comments
Active Shooter Lockdown at my Children’s Schools: My Response
“Please talk with your children about what happened and reassure them that there are strategies in place both at home and school to ensure safety.” — Part of the note from the school principal after an active shooter lockdown. (Note: … Continue reading
Posted in Empowerment
Tagged active shooter, gun control, school lockdown, school shooting
1 Comment
Getting Arrested Changed My Life
My daughter is deeply disappointed in me. She does not think it’s fitting to have any criminal record. She understands why I’ve recently turned to a scofflaw life, but she does not approve. It has taken almost 45 years to … Continue reading
Where are you from?
“North Jersey, right outside of NYC,” I’d always reply. I know what people mean when they ask me. Inevitably, they always follow up with “No, I mean where are you REALLY from?” At which point I’d say, “Oh, right. I … Continue reading
Posted in Empowerment, Relationships
Tagged #crazyrichasians, Chinese, Crazy Rich Asians, racial bias, racial stereotypes, racism, self identity
2 Comments
#winning at What Cost?
I’ve learned to listen to my gut. So when I first started hearing students and teachers describe a certain coach with certain words, it struck me as interesting, and I tucked it away. Fast forward to a year later, and … Continue reading
Posted in Empowerment, Parenting
Tagged abusive sports culture, coaching, McNair, toxic sports culture, University of Maryland
5 Comments
Bearable Lightness of Being
I never quite know who I’m coming home to. There are two human beings in middle school who have the keys to the house and full run of the refrigerator. But I don’t know who I’ll encounter when I … Continue reading
Be Your Hero
When people think of relationships in February, they usually think about intimate relationships–their spouse, significant other, ex-lover. Too often, people don’t examine the relationship you have with yourself. It’s precisely this relationship you have with yourself that dictates and frames … Continue reading
