Squeal!

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I made her blog!!! http://momastery.com/blog/2014/05/09/wait-better-show/

OK, realistically I’m but a mere footnote to Glennon’s amazing Love Firestorm message–of showing up just as you are to make the world a better place. And that none of us are perfect. And that improving the world improves ourselves. She recapped the night in Herndon when 450 brave, beautiful souls got together and made the world a better place. It was such a powerful night, my friend tells people simply, “It was life changing.”

I started reading her essay…read read read…scroll scroll scroll…nod nod nod…recognize certain attendees…remember the discussions…recall the course of events….scroll scroll scrOMG THAT’S ME! SQUEAL!!!

Then, in such an ironic twist to accompany this wonderful essay of accepting oneself as is, I immediately started thinking “OMG, I look so fat in this. I look like I’m pregnant for God’s sake. I am most certainly not pregnant. You don’t even want to know when the last time I had such relations was. But here I am looking like I’m carrying twins. Granted, I did eat 3 sandwiches that afternoon, but cut me some slack–I did just run a half marathon that morning and I was hungry. And they were small sandwiches. OMG the entire world can see how unflattering I look.”

And then I took a deep breath and climbed out my crazy tree. I remembered that entire evening, and cried again. Not for the poor choice in flowy-yet-trendy outfit and camera angle. But for the love that filled that church, for the compassion everyone showed up with, for the courage each of us carried in our hearts. For the safety and intimacy that enveloped 450 strangers–that we created together. For the good works and love we were all there to share with the world.

I am proud of that evening, of being a part of that. I am grateful for the opportunity to change the world one act of kindness by another. I am grateful for this opportunity Life and God has afforded me to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion, no matter the clothing choice or body shape. I need to continue to practice my body image issues. I need to practice focusing on what really matters in life. I need to practice remembering the priorities in life. I need to practice remembering gratitudes in life. I need to thank Glennon for her continued gifts to me, and to the world. For her reminder and encouragement to show up just the way I am, all jacked up.

 

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8 Responses to Squeal!

  1. Congratulations Bonnie. The event sounds wonderful and the linked post expressed what I’ve been feeling and wrestling with and tried to explain in my post. I’ve been locked in self-improvement instead of living and serving. Though I wonder how we serve if we don’t have a dream? Thoughts?

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    • The event, and Glennon, really are so wonderful and full of love! Interesting thought–I’ve been thinking of this. How do you mean exactly? I think perhaps doing both simultaneously? If we accept who we are today, at this moment, and do the best we can at that moment, and it’s in the spirit of kindness and service and love…then after that moment, have we not improved one self a smidge? And add those moments up, and by the end of the day, the month, the year…we find we’ve moved a bit forward–being kind to onself naturally leads to kindness to others, and vice versa, and that’s a spiral worth going down…I think the key is to not get stuck in waiting to improve before acting on a dream. Not get stuck waiting to get to perfection or enough before showing up to life…your turn–your thoughts? 🙂

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      • I’m not really sure. I have travel dreams, but they seem escapist. Otherwise, I don’t have dreams that I’m aware of and have been getting bogged down in daily life with no job, income and losing money, etc. What keeps me from falling in despair is writing and connecting. But still I feel the need to have more in person connections, yet do little about that. Sometimes I wonder if my blogging is an escape from living life. Sorry for the rambling. Today is one of those challenging days.

        You’re probably right about inching forward with kindness or love to self or others. I hopefully do some of that with my blog. Thanks for caring and responding. 🙂

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        • I am glad you have the writing and connecting to keep you grounded and tethered, and that it helps full your soul. You say you want more in person connections to keep filling your soul. Yet you do little about it. I think you’ve figured it out yourself. A lot of people find making real world connections very scary, Real connections require vulnerability. Online and social media can both create and deepen connections, as well as keep us guarded and not truly connecting but only offering us the illusion of doing so. What about the goal of meeting one new person a day/week, or engaging in one social activity a day/week? For a month and reassess? Small baby steps? Then you can have a goal/dream AND take action simultaneously?
          And yes–your blog definitely sends love and kindness into the world! Your presence definitely does!!

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  2. Karen Lanser says:

    Congratulations!!! My heart is smiling for you … for all of us who get to show up, before we get it all together. Claim it, own it, embrace it … and … feel the joy of being part of something so incredibly magnificent! Congrats to you … just one more time! With my biggest, toothiest grin, Karen

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    • Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Yes, your words resonate. That’s what this is about, I see now after reading your articulate thoughts. Yes–I showed up. Your support makes my heart smile 🙂 Thank you!

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  3. SBB says:

    I can’t wait to hear more about this amazing experience! I am so thrilled for you. 🙂

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